Gilmore Girls and the ocean breeze

Sometimes its okay to be sick, watch Gilmore Girls while eating oranges, and visit the ocean to catch a breeze. 

Hi, again. I usually wouldn’t be writing so frequently but this week has been unusual. I believe this is the first time, in a long time, where I have been sick for this long from bugs and viruses. I’ve been in bed this week and thinking a lot.

Since I have been here, I have had the flu, a bad reaction to gluten, dizzy spells and a bad cough.

I’ve had anxiety weeks and migraine months, but the last time I remember this happening was Swine Flu 2010. In hind sight, I’m used to being this sick, but usually I feel more in control. This time, I don’t.

I’m in my seventh week here and I can feel it.

As Paul says, by this time the honeymoon stage is over and homesickness sets in. Am I ready to quit and fly back to California? Absolutely not. But, to acknowledge I do miss all of you is an important piece of the Katharyn puzzle right now. Because I do.

Here is a story for the record books

For those of you who know me at all, my animals in California have gotten me through hell and high water. They add indefinite comfort, they cheer me up when I need it the most, and they don’t ask for anything but love and attention/affection.

I’ve read some articles about how animals still hold a memory of their humans when they are distanced from each other. This may be pretty obvious, but to read it and actually see it practiced are two different things.

I Facetime my mom almost every day, which is a huge blessing if you think about that. Anyway, when I do, I ask to talk to my animals.

I say “hello” and they go look for me. They hear my voice and wonder where I am!

Granted, Freddy Fish doesn’t do that, but you get the point.

These little moments remind me that I am meant to be here. Yes, it makes me miss my animals and family even more, but it reminds me to fight through the homesickness, to fight through the anxiety, to fight through the flu/cough/dizziness and keep it up! I can keep it up! 

As I said last time, my confidence rises and drops, sometimes every minute. I want to be the best teacher, the best roommate, the best polite American, the best, the best, the best…. dot. dot. dot.

But think about it.

That is an impossible task, an impossible expectation, and an impossible responsibility. “The best” is all relative. So if I desire to be “the best” than I submit to be compared with others and critiqued (and criticized) by my inner conscious, when no one is comparing/critiquing/criticizing me. See the conundrum? I am putting myself in a very vulnerable position.

I compare my inside with others’ outside, when in reality, there is no need. Everyone has talents, gifts and abilities to add to this world, just like I do. And wanting to be the best, at least all the time, rejects their contribution to the world.

Prayer Requests of the Week: 

• May I slowly step out of the need to be 100% hundred percent of the time and step into peace and humility.

• That I may be healed

• That, even when thousands of miles away from California, I may find peace, comfort, solace, friendship, faith, health and humility.

 

Sometimes its okay to be sick, watch Gilmore Girls while eating oranges, and visit the ocean to catch a breeze.