I’m sitting here in bed, all packed, goodbyes said, animals kissed goodnight and my clothes laid out for tomorrow.

My mind, and more importantly, my heart, has prepared for this day for a year, knowing all I needed to go was a college degree. That chapter is now completed and I enter into a new life tomorrow.

The only thing keeping me from gritting my teeth in a “I’m not ready yet!” mentality is that my goodbyes were so cathartic. I got the chance to hug, receive words of wisdom, share meals and take walks with people I love.

I got the chance to put my heart in the frame of “This isn’t a forever goodbye.” As cheesy as it sounds, the phrase “I’ll see you later” offered comfort in very emotional moments.

My animals know whats up.

In the business of packing the last three days, my furry friends have noticed something is about to change. This happens almost anytime we are packing to go somewhere, actually. They sniff bags, have a tense look in their eyes, become more clingy and sit on luggage as if to say “don’t go.” (Yes, very endearing indeed.)

The difference between their “something’s changing” behavior and how humans deal with change is that when I leave at 6am for the airport, they won’t know the difference once I’m gone.

We all will find a space where life without Katharyn in California becomes a new routine, as it should be. But there will always be a place in my heart for California and those in it, but for now, it’s time for us to part.

I’m exiting one universe and entering into another that has been operating parallel to California. I’m not entering into something new, I’m entering into a well established culture that functions in it’s own space.

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” -Socrates

My hope and prayer is that my old home doesn’t disrupt my new home. That I don’t become the ugly American who expects the Philippines to adapt to me. Rather, I need to adapt to it. And while doing so, I’ll hopefully open my eyes to see outside of my “normal,”, contributing and influencing children’s lives by being myself and doing what is in my power to appreciate Bethel for what it is: a beautiful place with a hope for future leaders to walk with Christ and impact their society for the better.

-K

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2 thoughts on “my last night in california

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